Oh man. I feel like Job. I really can not catch a break.
On Friday I just for whatever reason did not want to go to work, even though I was to be at a different hospital, with one of my Co-workers who I adore.
So I got a late start and I was anxious about that. Getting to an exit traffic had slowed, and when I got started again, I rear ended the car in front of me.
Luckily, I was not going too fast. Obviously…faster than the man in front of me. I just sat in the car after we both pulled off the road, shaking. Even though it wasn’t that fast, there was still a horrible feeling.
Also good was that the driver seems to be a very nice man. He came out and assured me he was alright (I asked him right away because well, when someones back bumper is scratched up and your front bumper is also scratched up, what kind of debate about who’s fault it is can come up?) He then asked for my insurance card and wrote down all the info. I was still shaking. He was very neutral, and calm and kept saying, “It isn’t terrible, it’s really just paint damage.” Then his companion took a few photos and they sped off.
On a normal day I would have simply gone home. But no, I’m on some kind of “make your own orientation” at work. So I proceeded to the other work site. I would have really preferred to speak with my insurance agent and kind of calm down, but instead I was at the work site doing what is called an EOC walk. It is an Environment of Care walk. As a team we each go to specific units, walk with the manager or person in charge and check for things like expired supplies that made their way to the units, fire safety, under sink storage. We also interact with the staff and have them answer Joint Commission style questions related to safety. “What steps do you take if there were a fire, a medical gas (oxygen) failure etc” I actually really enjoy doing these things, and I was very happy my back held up for the whole thing. I of course was utterly distracted, remembering the car accident.
I should have hopped out of my car (kind of dangerous as traffic was zipping by us rapidly.) and also taken photos, but I just was paralyzed with fear and really was so tired. I’m now worried I’ll pay for it later. Again, the man seemed very “Ok” with it. He even made a comment that “This happens to everyone” But you just never know. He could call on Monday, and say that they had horrible damage, back neck and back pain etc. I think it is unlikely as he said not to bother calling the Police for this, he just advised that I call the agent and he would call next week. All in all, he was a very nice person at that moment. No yelling no screaming, no “why didn’t you stop sooner”. Believe me I wish I had.
So what would have been a delightful work day was kind of difficult, since I already felt horrible, was late, had car worries…it just goes on and on. On a positive note, I re-met one of the big wigs from that hospital. She had done a short welcome talk at my orientation. Nothing major but she had made a specific plea that we try to not pull out our cell phones at every possible moment, and that we be aware of our environment as we go to and from the parking areas. I’m a iPhone addict.
I actually started putting my phone in my purse as I walk to and from my car. I have to admit, she was/is correct. I’ve been more aware of my surroundings. I greet almost everyone I meet, and I am able to help visitors occasionally, and also maybe more importantly, just make them a little more comfortable. I know they are often in pain, coming for follow up appointments, and in general, worried. So I’ve really been trying to smile and it really has made me feel more connected to things. I stopped taking it into the gym with me as well. My Coach was totally like, hey you forgot your phone. When I said, ahh, I left it in the car…he was like, WHAT? I can’t believe it. He usually pries it out of my hands… Anyway. I had been thinking to write her a note. but that seemed kind of extreme and also a bit “Sucking up”. She dropped by my friends office and I was able to share it with her. She smiled, laughed and sincerely said, “Wow, someone is listening and open to change, you made my whole day”. Considering how miserable my day had been, I was really pleased that I could genuinely make someone else smile and know that they had made a difference.
My back felt pretty horrible after that work day. So, I got into the pool…yeah. I forgot to add, it’s been in the 40’s in Fl, so it’s pretty cold. The pool water is warm but I was cold. I walked a bit. Then I got on the hot packs for PT and went home. I was so so worried that my back would be horrendous this morning, but actually…I was able to take the dog on a much longer walk this morning, so I am still under the impression that this is healing somewhat. Still with decreased sensation to the right leg and problems bending over, but of course this little bump up could have spelled major set back. I’m starting to reduce the Neurontin, a medicine for neuropathy. I figure I want to stop all medications and see how I feel prior to canceling surgery. I also want to see what the repeat MRI shows. I probably still need it, because I do still have neurological symptoms. I was not a fan of the neurontin as I felt it made my already disorganized state even more so. Hoping to get off of it entirely. I’d stop it but there is apparently a risk of seizure if you just stop without a taper.
For now…I am actually moving a bit better, I’ve started to “jog” in the pool and am continuing with a few strength exercises that I can do.
I’ve gained a lot of weight.
I can see it in my face, but also feeling it in some of my clothing. So I’ve embarked on a bit more of a healthy eating regime.
It’s going OK…not great. I want to lose slowly, so I’m not too concerned. I have not been active at all, so I think as I increase activity, some will disappear.
I Miss Running. Really a lot.