So….how is this going…
I had the big injection on Tuesday….and it’s now Saturday.
It’s been a very gradual improvement. And I’ve noted that while I should be responding with gratitude I’m actually responding by forgetting very rapidly how horrible the initial injury was.
When I first noted the injury, simply sitting on the side of the bed was excruciating. I remember being in the ER, where I literally know 98% of the staff and not really caring if my underwear was showing. (I had pulled on a sundress and had been sure to wear underwear, but in trying to get off the bed, I just didn’t care). I also had to use the bathroom before the MRI and ended up sobbing uncontrollably due to the pain of trying to walk from the restroom to the stretcher. It was probably less that 10 feet I was trying to walk. I really was in agony. I cried quite a lot that week, and now looking back I just can not imagine how I actually managed to drive myself to several of those appointments without having a massive accident.
I write the above not to be dramatic but actually to remind myself of where I actually was.
With the large amount of medications from the Neurosurgeon I had been able to go to work for my last week of work, but it was a pretty difficult week. I had a lot of pain and was having massive problems doing things like taking the dog on a “walk” or honestly getting ready for work in the morning.
On Tuesday I had the injection in my Epidural Space. This ranks up there with one of my more unpleasant patient experiences ever, despite being seen by one of the nicest rad techs in the whole world whom I adore, and being very well treated by all the staff and the physicians. So, in other words, that experience was frightening and uncomfortable.
Since the injection I have noted that I am having small but significant improvement in my “condition” And small but also significant droop to my mood.
So… Today I was able to:
- replace the spring rodded curtain that the dog accidentally pulled down last week.
- Walk the dog twice without having to lay down anywhere public.
- Walk 800 feet in the pool.
- change the sheets
- do laundry
- wash some dishes
- lay on the floor at the gym and talk to the gym front desk lady (I did that but probably this was easy) while doing some foot exercises with the yellow thera-band.
So, in general my tolerance for activity has improved dramatically.
Unfortunately..my mood which should be soaring is just….
feeling…flat. I feel injured, all over.
Steroids in general are odd, and directly injected…they are being absorbed as they will be…
and I have no control. So I’m having some mood swings in addition to knowing I’m losing all my fitness bit by bit.
I’m seeing everyone else have great races all over Face Book. Part of it makes me happy, and part of seeing that makes me feel really glum. SO not really sure how to address this. I’ve had friends totally drop out of all running groups on Facebook and stop logging into their Miles trackers….but that feels kind of silly to me. It’s kind of like saying, ok, since I’m no longer playing I don’t care who is…
I do care.
I want to support them. I want them to support me. I think it’s pretty hard though to support me. When I’m in a bad mood, no one wants to talk to me, and it is hard sometime to be the broken but still positive human.
At least Coach skeletor has been there. Like I suppose he always will be. He is still rather stymied as to how this happened. He felt like I was doing enough core work, and my legs were strong so that I should not have had the stress on my back. I just feel like it was one of those things.
It’s going to be a very interesting next few months.
I have to admit…as miserable as I am, I was more miserable. So…moving on…We shall see how this is in the next few weeks.
I have another injection coming up and I am terrified, but at least, I know the scary experience has resulted in some fairly positive results.