Sick and tired
Of being this person…
I don’t want to be the comeback kid with the great attitude in the face of misery.
Mostly I just want:
I have had such a tough weekend.
Firstly. I am BORED.
Lots of well meaning people have told me to “explore all those things you were wanting to do but never had time for”
I don’t think they get that I can not walk more than like 50-100 feet without excruciating pain taking over my body.
Even if I wanted to Explore something like Knitting….cross stitch….painting, etc.. I can’t physically go to get the supplies needed for those things. I don’t particularly want to do that anyway so it’s kind of a moot point.
I have a few unread books, and I see why they were unread, they looked promising, but not well written, so I am struggling through Istanbul Passage by Kanon It frankly SUCKS, I can’t believe it got a halfway good review from the times. I hate reading it, but I am reading it.
So bored. It’s race season and my Facebook feed is full of people posting about their races. That doesn’t bother me as much as I thought it would. I just find that the whiney ones…well I just want to scream at them, remind them that I can not even walk…why are they complaining, “the race was short” “The race was long” “It rained” “It was too hot” “It was too cold”
I can not do any kind of exercise. At least after my hip surgery the very next day I had to get on a stationary bike…
This is different. I do some small and limited exercises, but as my coach said, they are just to preserve function of the leg…nothing else. Best conversation :
MG: So ok you want me to do these 20 reps each time?
Coach: yes, and let me know how you do with them.
MG: These are gonna keep me in shape?
Coach: Eyebrows raised….NO. No they will not, MG, you are about to loose almost all your fitness. It will just happen.
UGH, it’s not that fun to build up again. Though I suspect this time round I will find more ways to make it more fun and enjoy it more.
Thirdly- regular functions are so limited…that things like house cleaning is severely limited. CLothing is strewn around, dishes left haphazardly in the sink. I manage to wash a few each day so it’s not terrible, but..
Fourthly, the condition is very unpredictable.
I can be “fine” for hours, and then decide to do something, and Bam I am not fine.
So… I am really just sick and tired of trying to be brave and soldier through. I see others who have been running for years with NO injuries at all. ANd in Truth, I also know at least one very speedy runner who has had horrendous year long injuries like I have had. Guess it is time to