Another foul mood.
I am feeling stress from my job. Right now, I do not enjoy going to work. I would like a different situation, but I’m not really one to give up. I do want to though. I have not put my finger on what exactly is making me so unhappy about my work, so that makes it all the more difficult. On top of that I am desperately trying to study for this certification exam. I do not want to pay over 300.00 USD to take it. But I need to to keep the job that I do not want. Hmmm. You see my train of thought. This kind of thing never helps training, when something else in life feels SO out of balance.
If I had my druthers. (apparently this is kind of a uniquely American phrase, who knew??), I would enjoy working at a fairly simple job, such as being the front desk attendant somewhere. Yes these jobs have challenges, but rarely are they the type of challenges that involve high level adminstrators, or extremely large amounts of reimbursement. But those jobs do not pay very well, and I have grown accustomed to my Middle Income lifestyle.
So I was actually at the hospital very late last night giving a few more Flu vaccines. (We’ve had an increase in demand.) This should have been done by our Employee Health Nurse, but she kind of sucks.
Got up pretty late today and found myself actually wanting to just get back into bed.
Yeah. Bed seemed like the place to avoid all this negative emotion and anxiety.
I didn’t I actually got up, texted my friend to do my entire workout with me. I figured why not, I was already feeling lousy.
She actually never responded.
Today, I had no love in my heart for it.
My legs felt already tired. I felt beat up by the week…I also felt like I had not had adequate rest. Throw a monkey wrench in my schedule and I just feel weird.
Well… I am nothing if not amazingly consistent.
So I went to the gym, got on the spin bike and cranked it to a high gear level and spun out a 50 min ride at 16.5 MPH. Some of the music I listened to was pretty good, I interspersed the riding with 1 minute on one minute off intervals here and there. It helped pass the time somewhat.
For me this ride is challenging enough that it temporarily blocked out all the thoughts I was having, which in some ways was an ultimate relief.
I also worked up quite a sweat. Now…I KNOW that sweating doesn’t remove toxins from your blood. But I felt somewhat refreshed as I saw it drip all over the bike and floor. It’s a mental thing.
I got off the cycle, did my usual clean the cycle…hit the locker room for my garmin and headphones and headed out.
Right from the start the run felt HARD. I had the realization that this was what most people do not enjoy about Brick workouts. Typically I do not feel this bad off the bike. I do not know why, but it just didn’t feel that great. I worked on slowing it down and just trying to enjoy it. Ended up having a nice mile 1 and 2, and then mile 3 turned out OK, but Mile 4 starts with the large hill, and I wasn’t into the hill at all, I ran up it, but then at the top…I really walked to recover from the hill effort. I know someday the hill effort will pay off and one day I will get to the top and keep on running…today wasn’t that day!
Run got done.
I feel a little stuck. More like stagnant. My distance is kind of increasing slowly, and I have seen some progression in difficulty in workouts. I did my first speed workout of the entire year this week. But yet, I feel like I’m not making any progress. I kind of want to quit and sit on the couch.
So I am going to hand that (minus the gratuitous illustration above) to my coach and see if he can help me through. My other technique which tends to work is that usually when one is about to quit they are very close to a breakthrough. So I often tell myself…just try it for 2 more weeks and if it still isn’t working you can quit. That thought also went though my mind today.
It’s a strange space to be in. I’m not sure I like it at alL!