Today was Transition Tuesday! I am definitely in a bit of transition.
Last Tuesday…My Daily Mile Pal Dale Tusen died in a very unexpected cycling accident. I’ve been all over the place about it. Stoic, accepting, crying, praying for his family, and feeling a bit guilty over my grief.
As an Emergency Department Nurse, I’ve had a high exposure to people dying. I’ve been the only person at a dying man’s side at times, been the one to call a family member, been the one to call the funeral home, the organ donor agency, the pastor etc. I’ve done these things for very elderly folks, infants, toddlers, teens, and Moms and Dads. Some nurses get very involved and go to funerals and such. I never allow myself this. If I never met the person (be it an infant or a 98 year old), it’s not my tragedy. I do usually feel strongly and sad but for the family, for the loss of potential in some cases. I do not ever wish to appropriate the grief that really belongs to them. I do not mean I am not compassionate, but…this death experience is theirs uniquely. I’ve been super disturbed at times by some things I’ve seen, and some things can never been unseen. Those images have stayed with me forever. But in truth, I knew nothing of these people. My only hope was to be as supportive and kind as I could for the family. It’s a bit hard to explain.
Anyway. With Dale…I realized he and I had almost daily contact on Daily Mile. I had gotten so used to seeing him up early and spinning away that often my phone would chime about 5 minutes after my workout posted and I’d think, “Ah it will be Dale commenting”
Now…every day I am reminded that Dale is gone. I have not adjusted well to this. I have worried about his children…his sweet wife…his sisters. At random times, I’ve actually started to cry. It’s sort of bizarre how sad I am. I am slowly working through it. BUt it’s a transition. Not so sure I understand why I took this so hard, but… I have and I do know one thing..
THE ONLY WAY OUT IS THROUGH.
Yesterday we were notified that the hospital I work for is having a few troubles with a very low census, and such, so we are having hours reduced. For regular nurses when there aren’t patients they are simply sent home. For me, I will have to cut 4 hours off each week. I admit, I immediately thought YAHOO! more training time, but… I know that if this goes on for a long time it will be bad for the hospital, and also bad for me. I am going to be a bit creative with my budget this month. One thing I am going to do is to stop drinking soda. While it does not cost a great amount, it’s bad for me. And so I can save some cash, AND make my health better.
As this progresses I will try to see where else I can trim in my budget. I’m not used to having to watch my budget but I will be missing about 200.00 from each paycheck, so until Census picks back up…I need to be a bit careful.
Today my awesome friend Janice met me and we did the swim run swim run workout. Loads of wet clothes and transitions.
My coach bumped the workout up to swim 1000 yds, run 3 miles, swim 500 yds, run 1 mile. The 3 really was for whatever reason a bit tough. We did some hills, and as is always my problem with Janice…I got to being a Chatty Kathy.
On the second swim.. the pool vacuum was out doing its thing and Janice had never seen it before, so Bam! She is shooting up out of the water pointing and making alarmed gestures. It is a little menacing, I suppose.
Anyway it made things fun. I did the last mile run by myself, and it felt sluggish, wet wet shorts, wet shirt…tired legs.
I feel good, this is the first BUmp up week in a long time. I feel sore now, from weights on Monday and this today. Lets hope I can maintain for the rest of the week, and get through all the other transitions with some new knowledge or strength!
This is a Dorothy Norwood Classic. Latley she has really become my favorite. If you have not really listened to Soul, or Gospel…you should check it right out…